Book Review: Crying in H Mart (a memoir of food and grief)

I ended up reading and listening to 3 versions of this book on Libby because it took me over 3 weeks to finish it, balancing between work deadlines and expiring library loans! 😂

This memoir is so good and relatable for me, and I believe for many others as well. It tells a universal story about being a daughter, finding yourself, and the complex relationship we have with our parents. The author, Michelle Zauner, shares her memories with her mother, which are mostly tied to the flavors and traditions of Korean dishes. Her mom, just like my dad, truly savored every bite of her meals. My most cherished moments with my dad revolve around discovering and enjoying food together.

But even with deep love for our parents, most of us have experienced those teenage disagreements, right? The struggle for independence and finding our identity can lead to endless debates. Michelle experienced this too, but her conflicts with her mom went beyond arguing. They even got physical, leading her to leave home and live on her own. She pursued a music career, something her mom didn’t support, but she wasn’t successful and got stuck. Just in case you’re questioning her career decision, money was not an issue because her Dad was a successful salesman.

Hers was tougher than tough love. It was brutal, industrial-strength. A sinewy love that never gave way to an inch of weakness. It was a love that saw what was best for you ten steps ahead, and didn’t care if it hurt like hell in the meantime. Noone in this world would ever love me as much as my mother, and she would never let me forget it. “Stop crying! Save your tears for when your mother dies.”

Michelle, Crying in H Mart

Then, unexpectedly, her mom was diagnosed with cancer. Michelle rushed home, trying to be a good daughter and taking care of her mom. During this time, she spent much time contemplating and realized that everything her Mom had done and said, even the harshest ones, came from love and desire to protect her from hardships. So her regret ran deep.

When her mom passed away, Michelle was consumed by regret, grief, and a need to understand her mom better. She tried to rediscover her mom from all angles and even tried to recreate her Mom’s recipes to reconnect with her legacy. And in this search, Michelle unexpectedly found herself. Her band and writing career blossomed when she least expected it.

If there was a god, it seemed my mother must have had her foot on his neck, demanding good things come my way.

Michelle, Crying in H Mart

The thing I love about this book is how much we can all relate to it. The fights with parents during our teenage years, making peace with those memories as part of growing up, and the comfort, stability, and nostalgic memories found in familiar food. To me, food is very powerful because it is not only nutritional but also emotional. It frequently brings people together and has become a universal love language that I will always treasure. It can preserve a part of our parents and our childhood memories. Certain flavors and aromas instantly bring me back to precious moments with my Mama and Papa.

This book also reminds me that grieving is a messy and overwhelming experience. So, let’s tolerate and be more understanding of others who are grieving. And we must allow ourselves the space and time to process our own grief. Sometimes, during the healing journey, we find ourselves.

In the last chapter, Michelle mentions a Korean song that perfectly complements the story’s emotions. Like Michelle, I didn’t understand the lyrics, but the melody resonated so deeply that I played it on repeat while finishing the book. You can experience the song for yourself here:

It’s not just a memoir of a grieving daughter who finds herself. It is a story about the powerful role of food and family love. I wholeheartedly recommend it! ❣️❣️

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