Est. reading time: 7 – 9 mins | Tone: Warm, Contemplative, Compassionate, Insightful
Ideal reading moment: If You Seek Solace or Deeper Meaning: When you lose someone, fear loss, or look for a more mindful approach to living.
Diving into “Seorang Pria yang Melalui Duka dengan Mencuci Piring” felt like uncovering a hidden map of the human soul, wrapped in the warmth of shared experiences and empathy. This book isn’t just about facing grief; it’s also about how to live more meaningfully, embrace the fleeting nature (short-lived) of existence, and find serenity in life’s relentless transformations. It stitches together the story of loss, resilience, and the timeless dance of letting go and holding on. Through a blend of personal stories and psychological insights, the author comforts those adrift in the sea of sorrow, guiding them toward a haven of balance and healing.
Why Does This Book Matter?
Understanding the Heart of Grief
The author’s empathy and understanding of the layers of the grieving process resonated with me. This book doesn’t offer empty consolation. It’s a compassionate companion for navigating the depths of grief, no matter where you are on that journey.
The Transformative Power of Impermanence
We all live with the knowledge of impermanence, but this book invites us to truly embrace that truth. It reminds us that every moment with loved ones, every experience, is fleeting. This awareness brings a bittersweet appreciation for the now and to find comfort in the knowledge that grief, too, shall pass, and will surely revisit us in subtle, unexpected moments and triggers.
Moreover, the book also highlights a profound truth about the intrinsic value derived from the limited nature of existence, encouraging readers to cherish life and all its fleeting moments even more.
Suatu hal menjadi indah justru karena keterbatasannya. Itulah mengapa sesuatu yang diberi label “limited edition” atau “sisa satu barang” akan membuat kita jadi menghargainya lebih. Bukankah nyawa manusia memenuhi keduanya?
Something becomes beautiful precisely because of its finiteness. That’s why items labeled as ‘limited edition’ or ‘only one left’ become more valuable to us. Doesn’t human life fulfill both criteria?
Seorang Pria yang Melalui Duka dengan Mencuci Piring, by Andreas Kurniawan
Just Be Present
One of the simplest yet most profound lessons is the power of simply being there for someone in their grief. Often, words feel empty. The book reminds us of the comfort found in companionship without the pressure of solutions. Your very presence, your willingness to sit in their pain with them, is sometimes the most powerful support you can offer.
Mindfulness as a Guide
Being mindful means acknowledging both the beauty and pain of life, understanding the spectrum of our emotions, and allowing emotions to wash over us without becoming consumed by them. This acceptance is a key part of the healing journey, especially after loss.
Acceptance and Action
True acceptance isn’t about giving up – it’s about acknowledging reality while actively striving for a better tomorrow, a guiding light through life’s storms. The book echoes the essence of the Islamic principle, tawakkul: trusting in a higher plan while still taking proactive steps toward personal growth.
It also encourages us to embrace our journey without questioning our moments of joy or pain, reminding us of the importance of gratitude in every phase of life. It invites us to reflect on the unpredictable and often challenging life journey, underscored by resilience and grace.
Di seluruh dunia, 50 juta anak mulai bermain tenis, 5 juta belajar tenis, 500.000 orang belajar secara profesional, 50.000 masuk ke perlombaan, 5.000 mencapai ke Grand Slam, 50 mencapai Wimbledon, 4 ke semifinal, 2 ke final, ketika aku mengangkat piala juara, aku tidak menanyakan kepada Tuhan, ‘Mengapa aku?’. Maka, hari ini ketika mengalami rasa sakit, aku seharusnya tidak menanyakan kepada Tuhan, ‘Mengapa aku?’.
Across the globe, 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn tennis, 500,000 train professionally, 50,000 enter competitions, 5,000 reach the Grand Slam, 50 make it to Wimbledon, 4 to the semifinals, 2 to the finals. When I lifted the champion’s trophy, I never asked God, ‘Why me?’. So, today, when I endure pain, I should not be asking God, ‘Why me?’.
Arthur Ashe quoted from Seorang Pria yang Melalui Duka dengan Mencuci Piring, by Andreas Kurniawan
The book also challenges the notion that there is always a “right” choice to make in life. It urges us to embrace the uncertainty and complexity of life’s choices and suggests a profound acceptance of the inevitability of regret as a part of the human experience.
Tenang saja, kamu pasti menyesal. Ketika dihadapkan pada pilihan yang membingungkan, beban seorang manusia adalah untuk berusaha menentukan pilihan yang paling baik. Ibarat soal pilihan ganda dengan lima pilihan jawaban, dan kita diminta untuk menebak mana yang paling tepat. Akibatnya, kita begitu takut apabila pilihan yang kita ambil ternyata salah. Tapi, bagaimana kalau ternyata kelima pilihan tersebut memang salah semua? Inilah justru yang sering terjadi dalam hidup. Kita dihadapkan pada suatu kasus dan diminta percaya bahwa pasti ada satu pilihan yang tepat dari banyaknya pilihan yang lain. Justru kita diajak untuk melepaskan kepercayaan tersebut. Ya, kita diajak untuk menerima bahwa tidak ada pilihan yang baik.
Rest assured, you will regret it. When faced with perplexing choices, the burden of a person is to try and determine the best option. Like a multiple-choice question with five answers, we’re asked to guess the most correct one. Consequently, we fear making the wrong choice. But what if all five options are wrong? This is often what happens in life. We’re faced with a situation and told to believe that there must be one right choice among many. Instead, we’re invited to let go of this belief. Yes, we’re encouraged to accept that there are no good choices.
Seorang Pria yang Melalui Duka dengan Mencuci Piring, by Andreas Kurniawan
More Than Just Grief: Lessons for Everyone
While the book’s core themes revolve around loss, I found profound lessons for living a more mindful and intentional life:
- The Value of ‘Why’: It sheds light on the importance of asking “why,” not as a challenge to fate but as a quest for understanding that fuels growth, survival, and betterment.
- Purpose and perspective: The stories of Arthur Ashe and cyanobacteria warm the heart, reminding us of the unseen impact and purpose of our existence, and inspiring gratitude and reflection on life’s broader meanings. Arthur Ashe found strength and reframed his illness in the face of adversity. While the seemingly insignificant story of cyanobacteria reminded me there’s beauty and purpose in every corner of our existence, even when we can’t immediately perceive it.
- The Treasure of Time: We all know our time, and the time of those we love, is limited. Yet this book made that truth hit home, inspiring a gentle urgency to live fully. It reminds us of the preciousness of every interaction, that every moment should be held close.
A Brief Overview (Spoiler-Free)
In this book, the author explains the multifaceted experience of grief through the metaphor of dishwashing. Grief, defined as the profound realization of change following the loss of a significant person, often brings about an emotional rollercoaster that is unique and deeply personal for everyone. Grief is a testament to our capacity to love deeply.
Duka adalah kegigihan kita untuk mempertahankan cinta.
What is grief, if not love persevering?
Vision [Wanda vision] quoted from Seorang Pria yang Melalui Duka dengan Mencuci Piring, by Andreas Kurniawan
Interestingly, the author uses the seemingly mundane task of dishwashing as a metaphor for working through grief. Just as you tackle a sink of dishes one by one, you gradually process loss. The book explores our natural coping mechanisms, underscoring the importance of allowing oneself to fully experience the spectrum of emotions that come, the personal and unique paths through it, and the acceptance of impermanence that allows healing to begin. However one thing is certain, the nature of the grieving’s loss is irreversible.
Bila berduka berarti sebuah periode kita menyadari bahwa sesuatu akan berubah, maka inilah saat penyadaran itu terjadi secara sepenuhnya. Orang yang pergi tidak akan kembali. Suaranya tidak akan kamu dengar lagi.
If grief means a period in which we realize that something will change, then this is when that realization fully occurs. Those who leave will not return. You will not hear their voice again.
Seorang Pria yang Melalui Duka dengan Mencuci Piring, by Andreas Kurniawan
The book suggests tackling grief one small step at a time, paralleling the healing process with the clearing of each dish, each stain, revealing resilience and the capacity for renewal. Just like how we tackle other tasks in life, we also need several small winnings to keep us going. Thus, the author suggests that we start the healing process with the easiest tasks to gain small victories that motivate us to deal with grief in manageable increments.
Through the lens of impermanence, the book fosters a gentle acceptance of life’s ebb and flow, offering solace in the continuity of love beyond loss. It also discusses the concept of “meaningful pain” and finding purpose in suffering, a reflection on how we can emerge from grief with a deeper understanding of life’s transitory nature. This mirrors the Islamic belief that death is a temporary separation; a ‘good’ life leads to a joyous reunion in the afterlife. This concept fosters ikhlas and a sense of peace within Muslims, motivates acts of good deeds, and fuels prayers for loved ones. It’s a journey of rediscovering joy, meaning, and the enduring strength of the human spirit in the face of impermanence.
If You Seek Solace or Deeper Meaning…
This book is for anyone who’s lost someone, anyone who fears loss, and anyone looking for a more mindful approach to living. Its lines, “What is grief, if not love persevering?”, “If grief means a period in which we realize that something will change, then this is when that realization fully occurs. Those who leave will not return. You will not hear their voice again.” and “Rest assured, you will regret it.” are sure to stay with you long after you finish reading.
This book isn’t just a read; it’s a companion to contemplate about life.
The Hayyan Chronicle 
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